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[18 Nov 2016|11:11pm]
Whatever you want in life,
you must give up something to get it.
The greater the value,
the greater the sacrifice required of you.
Everything has a price.
There's a price to pay if you want to make things better,
and a price to pay for just leaving things as they are.
Nothing worthwhile ever comes easily.

Max Steingart
45 CMCs | communicate

awesome disability/divergent-embodiment things: [24 Sep 2015|11:13am]
[Unknown LJ tag] 

So hey

Disabled version of Cinderella where the prince is entirely faceblind, and Cinderella has a musculoskeletal condition where her mobility could be seriously improved by custom orthotics.  Which of course she never had until the fairy godmother made them for her, which explains why her entire gait and posture changed at the ball and her stepmother/sisters never recognized her.

After that, well, the shoe-fitting is just efficient.

  • You choke on water. You choke on air. Your friends ignore you choking. Things are always going down the wrong way. You’re not sure there was ever a right way.
  • The bruises appear mysteriously. Sometimes you wake up to a constellation that wasn’t there yesterday (or maybe it was; there are always bruises somewhere).
  • “If you keep practising, you’ll get better at it,” they say about football, about netball, about volleyball, about basketball, about baseball. You wonder how many people they’ve lied to before. You keep practising. 
  • The words won’t come out, or they come out wrong. You have the sentence in your head but something else controls your mouth, something unknown. 
  • You could do it yesterday. You might be able to do it tomorrow. You cannot do it today. 
  • All you want is a routine. All you have is a fear of the things you’ve left undone. Nothing fits. 
  • There are things you’ve left undone, aren’t there? You think you might have written them down somewhere. Someone saw you write them down. When the things are left undone, they will come for you.
  • Your hands have betrayed you again. 
  • Your muscles do not talk to each other about anything except for pain. 
  • Do this, then that. Do this, then that. Clothes off, then shower. Shirt on, then coat. You know the rationale behind these things but the rationale is not enough. It is never enough. 
  • The doctor asks, “What did you trip over?”. You do not know. You did not see. Maybe it was the eternal shadows that haunt the corners of your vision. Maybe it was your own feet. 
  • Everything is too loud. Everything is too bright. Everything feels too rough. You scream until you can leave either this place or your body.
  • The form asks what support you require. You do not know. You’ve never had it.


Movement teachers: on the surface I am your dream student.

I'll walk in. You'll show me basics. Or have someone show me basics. They will do them at the same time I do, so I can exactly follow. I'm echopraxic, you see. If I have someone to exactly follow? I can do that. I can make my body do exactly what they do--or as close to exactly as different builds allow.

You will probably think that I am talented. I probably am not. I am echopraxic and I have a big library of movement to draw from. So as long as I have someone to follow I can look comfortable with the things.

You may be tempted to skip steps. You may forget there's things I haven't learned. I know how to do a lot of things with my body because of years of dance, gymnastics, & team sports. This is why I can give you the impression I have an aptitude: because if it is on the ground or in the air I have probably done something similar. I've done gymnastics. I've spun a flag & marched at the same time. I've done some ridiculous number of styles of dance. I've played basketball on feet and on wheels. Whatever you're showing me, I'm sure to have a bit of muscle memory that relates enough that I can copy you or more advanced people.

Here's where I'm your nightmare:

I can only copy for a substantial amount of time.
This entry was originally posted at http://shehasathree.dreamwidth.org/3533875.html. Please comment either here or there, if you are so inclined..

repost for linking purposes [09 Aug 2014|02:26pm]
on emotional flashbacksCollapse )

This entry was originally posted at http://shehasathree.dreamwidth.org/2976642.html. Please comment either here or there, if you are so inclined..

[09 Jul 2014|05:12pm]
As an Australian woman with an academic and personal interest in issues relating to gender and health, I am pleased to be a member of the Australian Women's Health Network. I was even more pleased today to read their new press release about the role of gender in chronic illness, since this hits me right where I live (again, both academically and personally). Here's the press release:

Media Release
9 July 2014

A new approach is needed to improve the lives of women with
chronic health conditions.

The Australian Women’s Health Network (AWHN) has released a position paper outlining recommendations to improve the prevention, diagnosis and treatment of chronic conditions for women.

The paper Women and Non-Communicable Diseases (Chronic Conditions) examines the gender implications of diseases such as diabetes, heart disease and lung cancer, and highlights specific areas where women’s experience of chronic health is treated differently to men, and the areas where change is needed.

AWHN CEO Kelly Banister said:

“Chronic diseases are the number one cause of death and disablement for women and men globally. In Australia there is increased recognition that women and men experience those conditions differently”

“Research shows that women experience a higher burden from chronic disease and live more years of life with a disability from chronic disease than men.”

“Failure to act on gender differences in chronic disease prevention and treatment costs lives. It is no longer satisfactory for prevention and treatment guidelines to remain gender neutral.”

“The AWHN would like Australian governments to show leadership, along with peak health bodies to drive change in policy and research by understanding the ways gender affects chronic disease.”

The position paper outlines a number of key recommendations to improve the prevention, diagnosis and treatment of chronic conditions for women including:

  1. Creation of guidelines for the equal inclusion of women in clinical trials.
  2. Continued research in exploring the causes of the sex differences in chronic disease.
  3. Peak health bodies to move beyond gender neutral positions currently adopted.
  4. The Federal Government to ensure that peak health bodies develop gender sensitive guidelines.
  5. Federal, State and Territory Governments rewrite all current gender neutral policies so that they identify gender differences and what needs to happen for gender equity to be achieved.
  6. Provision of integrated women’s health services which are comprehensive, holistic and incorporate a life-span gender-sensitive approach.

The position paper can be accessed at the Australian Women Health Network’s website www.awhn.org.au
For media enquiries, contact:
Kelly Banister
Chief Executive Officer / 0408 061 901 / ceo@awhn.org.au 

This entry was originally posted at http://shehasathree.dreamwidth.org/2904136.html. Please comment either here or there, if you are so inclined..

tw for mentions of SI, trauma, CSA etc [21 Jun 2014|12:06pm]
so, at some point i'm totally going to write an essay about "what 'counts' as trauma".

Relevant stuff:

*the microaggressions : microtrauma analogy/metaphor
(the point being, if your tendon is f*cked through a series of almost-unnoticeable microtraumas rather than through a one-off catastrophic trauma, it's still just as f*cked, but without the legitimacy of being able to say "what happened". Also, in the absence of an obvious traumatic injury, you're much less likely to get prompt treatment, and to think that your ongoing experience of pain and dysfunction is "normal" (after all, it is normal in your experience).

For the kicker, this sort of cumulative microtrauma seems to be a much more common pattern in women (especially those of up who are syndromically hypermobile). Ask me how i know! (see also the speed with which Steve was given medical attention for his acute but less-severe-than-mine tendon issues arising from triathloning, vs. The ten or so years i spent trying to convince people that yes! I really do have tendon issues all over my body (and no, i haven't been doing anything obvious, and yeah, if you splint one joint the problem really does shift to the next joint along the chain. no, not because i'm somatising or a hypochondriac).

*the way feminist work on self-injury focuses almost exclusively on women with a history of Childhood Sexual Abuse. I am so glad that there are brave feminist scholars and psy professionals doing this work and talking about this link! But it's a pretty totalising discourse, and from personal experience and from hearing others' stories, i can say that it feels pretty damn pathologising when the only discourse of why women self-injure is all about something much worse than anything that ever happened to you. (like, they've got a *reason*, so you must be extra screwed up to be doing that without a (good enough) reason.)

*the discursive slippage between BPD vs. PTSD and how C-PTSD as a diagnostic category has grown out of a recognition of the gendered nature of
that split and the gendered nature of what has historically counted as being sufficiently traumatic to cause PTSD.

(and also the violence done by assigning a label of BPD to a person, cf. Butler)

This entry was originally posted at http://shehasathree.dreamwidth.org/2854149.html. Please comment either here or there, if you are so inclined..
4 CMCs | communicate

captain america recs [30 Apr 2014|07:48pm]

This entry was originally posted at http://shehasathree.dreamwidth.org/2760328.html. Please comment either here or there, if you are so inclined..

autism links roundup [11 Apr 2014|02:02pm]

This entry was originally posted at http://shehasathree.dreamwidth.org/2726299.html. Please comment either here or there, if you are so inclined..

perfectionism scale [11 Mar 2014|11:49am]
From here: http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/docs/1%20What%20is%20%20Perfectionism.pdf
Let’s find out if perfectionism is an issue for you. Here are a few statements for you to consider:
(rating scale: True - Somewhat True - Somewhat False - False)

1. Nothing good comes from making mistakes
2. I must do things right the first time
3. I must do everything well, not just the things I know I’m good at
4. If I can’t do something perfectly then there is no point even trying
5. I rarely give myself credit when I do well because there’s always something more I could do
6. Sometimes I am so concerned about getting one task done perfectly that I don’t have time to complete the rest of my work
If you have answered most of the above questions with True or Somewhat True, then perfectionism might be something you want to work on. If you haven’t answered True or Somewhat True, you may still want to stay with us as you might learn some skills that could be useful in the future.

Read more...Collapse )

This entry was originally posted at http://shehasathree.dreamwidth.org/2639996.html. Please comment either here or there, if you are so inclined..
2 CMCs | communicate

culture i've been ingesting: [10 Mar 2014|07:15pm]
(in the last ... while)

*Friday Night Lights (Season 1)
*The Guilty (miniseries)
*Shaun Micallef's Mad as Hell

*Historicising Gender & Sexuality (Murphy & Spear, 2011)
*The Edge of the Bed by Lisa Palac
*Last Night in Paradise by Katie Roiphe
*Speaking Secrets: Sex and Sexuality as Public Property by Sue Joseph
*After Homosexual by D'Cruz & Pendleton

*Ghostbusters II

*The Night Manager (Le Carré)
*For the God Who Sings (ABC classic CD)
*Grigoryan Brothers "Impressions"
*Emilie Autumn "Enchant"

This entry was originally posted at http://shehasathree.dreamwidth.org/2638421.html. Please comment either here or there, if you are so inclined..
4 CMCs | communicate

crossposts that didn't make the journey: [02 Aug 2013|03:46pm]
Dear self,
If you're wondering whether 8a.m. hydro really makes you *that* tired, please take note of the following:
*you fell asleep on the tram home from uni yesterday
*then slept for three hours when you got home
*then slept for almost 14 hours last night.


P.S. Looks like you will have to educate your hydrotherapist about hypermobility and stretching. Not sure how, since you only ever see her in the hydro pool. But it seems necessary and important. /o\

actual sms received by me:
Hi. Hi now. I love you arez Hi Steve are you add hi Steve hi Steve. Hi MonikaaasazxffCvVbbbjKllzllllalpppk Hellodfdfbvvgtgvvgdffgbg
You are

Does anyone know if hyperlexia is still used to refer specifically to early reading ability, or if it is also used to refer to more general wordiness (e.g. having a very large vocabulary at an early age)?

P.S. I was always interested that my ability to read German and pronounce it accurately far outstripped my comprehension of what i was reading. I always thought that was due to my mother speaking German to me in my first few years (until I stubbornly demanded that she "speak.English!" when i was a young toddler) and the very logical nature of German pronunciation, but maybe there was another element at play?


spent too much time reading about the PACE and FINE trials [25 Jul 2013|08:20pm]
must go bang head against a brick wall
lie down to recover.


medical things i would like to know: [25 Jul 2013|06:39pm]
1) what does ankylosing spondylitis 'look like' in someone with hypermobility?
2) what does mania (or hypomania) look like in someone with fatigue?

[23 Jul 2013|08:23pm]
Mum must have mentioned it four or five times between when I spoke to her earlier in the week and when we got to Mum and Dad's for lunch on Sunday afternoon: "you can put a label on something even if it already has a label!".

But of course the one thing that I want that already has a claim to it (and the only thing i rated as something i wanted 10/10) is the fridge that she wanted first. So of course i can't have it, and she was taken aback and indignant that i even put it on the list. ::sigh::   /o\

 photo 21072013565_zps0971cc72.jpg

attitudes towards illness/es: poll [20 Jun 2013|04:04pm]
(i suspect that invisible, long-term fluctuationg illnesses tend to provoke similar stigma to mental illness...)

 photo whatif-suicide-prevention-australia_zps53bebfe1.png

This entry was originally posted at http://shehasathree.dreamwidth.org/2280761.html. Please comment either here or there, if you are so inclined..

T - 3 hours [15 May 2013|11:03am]
I have HAIRSPRAY in my hair. This tells you how serious I am. I don't think I've used hairspray in over 5 years. Also: a butterfly clip. *g*

Alsoalso my scary former-supervisor-now-committee-member M is sick and can't make it so I might not get asked tough questions about how I propose to blend thematic and narrative methodology after all?
5 CMCs | communicate

ears! [24 Jan 2013|07:00pm]

This entry was originally posted at http://shehasathree.dreamwidth.org/2131550.html. Please comment either here or there, if you are so inclined..
4 CMCs | communicate

meta post is meta (guess what i'm supposed to be doing right now?) [15 Oct 2012|06:06pm]
1. I don't think my brain was ever a 'typical' brain per se. But I feel so very not-normal now. I don't understand how I can be so 'smart' in some ways and yet so very unable to do 'normal' things. I'm sure a lot of it is due to chronic illness and fatigue (my concentration sucks). And yet, that is an oversimplification, because I hyperfocus/perseverate (?) like mad when I am excited about an idea or avoiding doing things that make me anxious, or just get distracted enough...
not navel-gazing, but brain-gazing. An excercise in endless reflexivity and some self-importance.Collapse )

This post brought to you by my day staring at a computer screen, losing time, and forgetting to eat until after 5pm.

This entry was originally posted at http://shehasathree.dreamwidth.org/2050031.html. Please comment either here or there, if you are so inclined..

different kinds of spoons [08 Aug 2012|10:35am]
The Energy Problem
Twice-exceptional children face an even more complicated dilemma. Not only are they often bored and under-stimulated, but, given their intelligence, they are also over-aroused and anxious when faced with tasks of production that should be easy for them. A child may start out with the equivalent of a master’s thesis on turtles, for example; but by the time the child struggles to organize her complex ideas and get those thoughts onto paper, what comes out may sound like “I have a little turtle that lives in a box in my room.” To fully understand the frustration and difficulty of this situation, we must consider energy.

About 10 years ago, I sustained a mild traumatic brain injury. After the accident, I was still as “smart” as I had always been; but I couldn’t do things with the same consistency and efficiency as before. cognitive processing takes energy!Collapse )
Too Tired! Energy and Wellness in 2E Children, By Marlo Payne Thurman
Article originally published in 2E Twice Exceptional Newsletter November- December 2009 Issue 37

This entry was originally posted at http://shehasathree.dreamwidth.org/2018292.html. Please comment either here or there, if you are so inclined..

giftedness, achievement-orientation, depression & acitivities (and me) [03 Aug 2012|07:46am]

The other day I was complaining to my friends about a student I taught last week (filling in for Janet). The student is a boy in Grade 5, has been learning the flute for 1 term, and seems to have a fair bit of potential, based on the range of notes he can read and play (albeit slowly). He told me, though, that he hadn't really done any practice that week. His reason? "I have sport more than 7 days a week!". He does soccer, football and swimming (? I think). Three sports, anyway.

So I was thinking, either this is an example of a massively overscheduled kid, in which case, what were his parents thinking signing him up for flute, which requires regular practice, or maybe he really is gifted and talented and passionate, in which case why can't he fit in 4 x 15 minutes practice of flute into a week that manages to fit heaps of sport and sport practice into it? Priorities (his and/or his parents/ obviously). Frustrating.

Anyway, this got me thinking about all the activities I did when I was a kid in late primary and high school. I was thinking along the lines of, "I did lots of different activities but still always practiced Piano, so that shows it can be done if the student is motivated and the parents make it a priority" (although I don't think I made that overly clear when I sent the message and listed my acitivites. I got two very different responses from my two closest friends:

kathryne_deannasent me her reply via text, so I don't have it verbaitm, but it basically said that different kids can handle different amounts of stuff (and also asked if I'd read Amy Chua's Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother).

(I have, and I have strong feelings about it. Also, while my mother may show some elements of a destructive narcissistic pattern, is overly identified with me and strongly achievement-oriented, she is totally not a Tiger Mother. And when I was a kid I was happy doing all ym activities, begged my parents to do more, and still had time left over to read for fun, etc. I think it helped that I lived 12 minutes' walk from school, and most of my activiities were either at school, so I took myself to and from them, or were in the later evenings or Saturdays. So I had much more time in my week than kids who travel an hour or more a day just to get to and from school!)
[livejournal.com profile] louise_allana

 Um, [[personal profile] shehasathree], that's an insane schedule and you were an abnormal child. I understand more about your drive to get many things done/woe when you only accomplish five things in a day now.

It is undoubtedly true that I was an abnormal child (and am an atypical adult?). I'm not sure about my childhood/high school schedule, though... I was happy doing all those things, generally I was the one wanting to do them, and my parents had a Thing about not doing too many sessions/hours of any one activity;

Read more...Collapse )</user> This entry was originally posted at http://shehasathree.dreamwidth.org/2004320.html. Please comment either here or there, if you are so inclined..

“If you say ‘no,’ and the other person keeps talking..." [21 Jun 2012|10:55pm]
This is right out of Gift of Fear: “If you say ‘no,’ and the other person keeps talking, ask yourself ‘Why is this person trying to manipulate me?’”

(Captain Awkward)

This entry was originally posted at http://shehasathree.dreamwidth.org/1965175.html. Please comment either here or there, if you are so inclined..

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